Sex addicts dating
Sometimes, it’s difficult to know whether someone close to you has an addiction.
The addict might hide the addictive behavior or you might not know the warning signs or symptoms.
However, once in therapy, there inevitably comes a day when the sex addict is ready to embark on that daunting journey we call dating.
For a man who has spent years, if not decades, relating to porn actresses on a computer screen, encountering a flesh and blood partner can seem unpredictable and terrifying.
Likewise for the woman who always seems to get involved with unavailable, married men, a truly present, drama-free suitor can be deemed ‘boring.’ These unique challenges can be overcome, of course, but the sex addict will have their work cut out for them. The sex addict is used to instant gratification, and may not have the patience to invest in a long term relationship that builds gradually through shared interests and time spent getting to know one another.
This impossible ‘slowness’ that intimacy requires may frustrate and confuse the addict, who no doubt is in a rush to form a relationship after so many months spent healing in celibacy.
Compulsive sex is the fast food of relationships, and developing a taste for the slow-cooked meal may take some time.
The use of certain antidepressants (SSRIs) has proved to be very effective in treating the impulse control problems of many sexual compulsives.
Sex addicts use behaviors rather than substances as coping mechanisms.
These might include masturbation, compulsive viewing of pornography, infidelity, one-night stands and a host of other ‘acting out’ practices that undermine the ability to form intimate bonds with another human being.
It is a maladaptive way to compensate for this early attachment failure.
Addiction is a symbolic enactment of deeply entrenched unconscious dysfunctional relationships with self and others.
Sometimes the addict has been off the dating scene for years and is returning as an older person.